


what comes next

by superhusbands



Series: endgame fix-its [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: DONT READ IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED, F/M, M/M, Spoilers for Endgame, serious spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 12:59:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18605008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superhusbands/pseuds/superhusbands
Summary: “ not bad for a couple of old guys. “ steve is smiling. his bright blue eyes are wet, his lip bleeding. his tongue flicks out to wet it, drawing bucky’s attention.they’ve been at war for so long. he’s not sure how to come home.kissing steve, he decides, is pretty close.





	what comes next

he wants to be angry.

over the years, disappointment has become a constant. it creeps into his chest, warms him at night as he stares up at the stars through his tent in wakanda. he’d torn the tapestry the first night, needing to see something tangible to root him into the present. 

years at war had left him broken; lost.  
but the stars were always a constant. they came out, they left, they twinkled no matter how much blood coated his hands or tragedy wracked his heart. 

when he crumbles to dust, ash scattering with the wind, it’s that disappointment that sticks with him. it drowns him, its vice grip tight around his throat as he sinks, and sinks, and sinks.

when he wakes up, he’s again a man out of time.

five years, according to the magic man with the magic cloak. 

_yeah._ it’s that kind of day. 

when he steps through the magic portal, gun heavy against his shoulder, he’s ready for the fight. he’s ready before the magic man even conjures the portal, before he announces that this is their chance to set things right.

five years. they lost five years.

for a man who has lost decades, only fragmented pieces left from the damage inflicted on him by hydra, the loss is surprisingly painful. 

for five years, the world went on. it spun, it lived, and he missed it.  
he missed a lot.

when it’s all said and done, when the battle is over and finally he can lay his weapons down, he knows the fight is far from over. he can feel it in his bones; a thrumming under the skin, a feeling that isn’t tangible but remains long after the adrenaline has worn off. this fight is over, but his fight is never over. 

he’s been at war for nearly a century. he’s not sure who he is without it. 

“ not bad for a couple of old guys. “ steve is smiling. his bright blue eyes are wet, his lip bleeding. his tongue flicks out to wet it, drawing bucky’s attention.   


they’ve been at war for so long. he’s not sure how to come home.

kissing steve, he decides, is pretty close. 

if he’d known it would shut the punk up, he would have done it decades ago. 

                                                                     ~

he wants to be angry because the universe has conspired against him. it takes, and it takes, and it takes, and leaves him with nothing but tragedy.  he loses, and he loses, yet somehow has to pick himself back up. he stands and he must not break. 

he’s on his knees now. he knows why steve isn’t back. 

he knew before steve even left, sensed it on his lips when he’d kissed him slowly.  it was an intricate kiss; one you’d give if you knew there might not be any kisses left to share. 

bucky knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that there hasn’t been a glitch with the machine.  bruce’s calculations weren’t incorrect, the particles didn’t fail.  steve has made a choice. 

steve has chosen someone other than bucky.   
steve has chosen happiness. he has chosen a life for himself. 

he doesn’t begrudge him that choice.  
steve has picked him again and again and again.   
it was about time he picked himself.

it’s sam that notices the figure first. he’s sitting on a bench, overlooking the water. sam taps him on the shoulder, pointing. “ look. “

bucky doesn’t need to look. he knows. he’s always known. 

there’s a rope around his heart and it twists and it pulls.  it’s always done this, always towards steve.   _i’m with you ‘till the end of the line._

he smiles. he approaches.

the man turns to meet his gaze.  those blue eyes are just as bright as they’ve ever been.  his skin, though wrinkled, is soft under bucky’s touch.  he sits beside him, takes his hand.

he blinks back oblivion.   
he has no tears left to cry. 

“ i wish i could have told you. “  


he smiles, eyes wet. he squeezes steve’s hand; once, and then again.  he can’t speak yet.  “ we both know why you didn’t. “ bucky says, for the both of them.  “ i’ve always been selfish when it comes to you.  i would have asked you not to go. “

steve’s gaze is soft. “ no you wouldn’t have. “

“no, i wouldn’t have. “  


they sit there for what feels like hours. steve’s hand in bucky’s, his shoulder brushing up against his own.  they’re both men out of time, but for steve? that time is running out.  bucky can feel it now, knows that the time they have left together is finite.  there’s so much he wants to say, needs to get out, but the words are lost to him. 

“ were you happy? “  


steve nods. on his finger rests a wedding band.  bucky doesn’t need to ask, he knows it was the dame with the red lipstick.  he’d known from the moment he’d seen her.  she was someone special to steve.  she was the one. 

maybe in another world, another life, they could have made each other happy.  
if war hadn’t destroyed them, turned them inside out; burned the best parts of bucky away, leaving a husk behind to slowly piece together the fragmented shards that were left. 

there was always another fight, there was always a war on the horizon. not every soldier got to make it home.  bucky knew that, now.  he understood.   


the blood on his hands, the damage he’d caused, the guilt, would never allow him to rest.  not until he tipped the scales, balanced the good with the bad.  the ugly with the beautiful.  though he wouldn’t choose the fight, given the choice, there had never been a choice.

there would never be a choice. 

“ looks like i’ll have to get used to a world with no captain america. “  it’s sam this time, he’s come up from behind them, a hand on each of their shoulders.  the touch is reassuring, it shoulders some of the weight from bucky’s. it makes it easier to breathe. 

“ well...”  steve is pulling away.  his hand feels cold now that it’s no longer held tightly in steve’s.  he unzips his bag, the red, blue, and white of the vibranium shield reflecting in the sunlight.  he passes it to bucky, whose skin crawls.    


he remembers that shield flying at him.  he remembers catching it, knowing that he knew the man who’d thrown it but couldn’t place him.  he was a ghost, a memory that he couldn’t grasp onto.  he shook his head, nudging it back.  “ not me. “  he said simply.  he wasn’t a hero.  he was a soldier, a war criminal; unfit to carry the shield.  “ sam. “

the other man’s eyes went wide, his mouth an ‘o’.  steve paused, thinking.  “ yes. “  he agreed, handing the shield over to sam.  “ it’s yours. “

                                                                    ~  


it hurts, at first.

it’s like dull pokers, prodding at his arm; tearing through flesh, scarring the tissue underneath. its like being strapped to a metal gurney, metal shoved into his mouth as electrodes burn through his memories. its the first snowfall of the season, of turning his head to make a comment and seeing no one beside him. 

it hurts so much he wants to be angry.

it hurts so much he wants to scream.

it hurts so much he holds onto that pain, holds it close, and reminds himself that it was  _real._ it was real, it was imperfect, but it was his for the few moments he held it. 

the line ends, but he’s still there.  he’s nowhere and everywhere.  
that’s how he’s remembered.


End file.
